September 19, 2011

back on track

please excuse the pseudoartistic tree hugger crap of the previous post. i had to do something. not being able to knit for almost two weeks made me delusional. that and painkillers. sweet opioidic mind-numbing BFF painkillers.

but i finally got some essential supplies on saturday and immediately made a pair of socks. oh god how good it felt. like taking a shower after spending 12 days in a broken porta-potty. and with a critically placed 7 inch wound that's not supposed to get wet for the first 15 days, i'm only half joking.

kiertoradalla by tiina kuu
size 37
cascade heritage (70g / 2.5mm)

they were presented to and modeled here by my sister-in-law, who graciously waited for 4+ months for me to darn the previous pair i made her, which i ended up... uh, never doing... because, well... i just didn't feel like it. the patience some people have for my idio-moronic-syncracies astounds me.

i also messed up the stitch count somewhere around the heel area (although i refuse to claim full responsibility for it, the pattern was at times just way out there), making the lace pattern uneven between the two socks, but see how cunningly i took the pictures so you can't tell? and therefore still consider me a competent and admirable knitter?

i didn't have time to block them either. so i'm not super happy with the way they turned out. but at least i got to knit something. and more important, i'm back on her favorite people list, which will come in handy around christmastime.

p.s. armageddon made me cry. again.

September 17, 2011

September 14, 2011

comfort yarn

i feel so unbelievably shitty right now. i don't know if the surgery worked or not. i don't know if i'll ever get better or not. i'm alone, i'm bored and i'm in pain.

so. much. pain.

but at least i have my cascades.

and my tosh merino light.

i can't go home until the shark bite in my ass heals. and of course i don't have a single pair of needles here. so i can't even knit.

but i can hold the hanks in my arms and pretend they love me.

September 11, 2011

hiatus schmiatus

in case you had any doubt about my borderline OCD dedication to yarn, please note that today, sunday september 11, exactly five days since my entire right asscheek was sliced open, pronged into and stapled back together with 21 shiny pieces of industrial metal, i rose from my sickbed and forced myself into a car, drove 20 miles and entered a crafts fair where i promptly acquired six hanks of yarn and a pack of square dpn's while mowing down passers-by with my crutches and causing some general alarm because of the please-god-let-me-die look on my face (as well as my clockwork scarf, which apparently is so goddamn cool that it actually forces random people to stop and tell me how cool it is) then turned rather laborously around and drove back home.

where i now lie dying.

but still, i rule.

September 5, 2011

grave announcement

i hereby announce a short hiatus from blogging and being funny and witty in general.

tomorrow i shall undergo some majorly graphic lower back / upper butt surgery to relieve me from a nerve pinch that has tormented me and made my life totally uncool for 2.5 years now. holy tranny christ how much it hurts. like hitting a funnybone, except the funnybone is in your ass and doesn't go away.

so unless i die on the operating table, or alternatively choose to jump out the window because the surgery has turned shitsour like the previous surgery in 2010, i shall resume being funny and witty as soon as i'm able to put a pair of pants on again.

which admittedly is not a prerequisite to blogging in any way.


September 1, 2011

project infinity

a friend of mine came up to me in march.

"can you make me a lace scarf for my sister's wedding?" she asked. "of course", i replied, with a magnificent halo of professional knittingdom above my head. "i can do anything."

so she bought a pattern and some super fancy silk yarn, and told me to do my thing.

i went home, sat down and said, "gee willikers". well, something to the effect. beginning with the letter F.

i'm not very smart, you see. any work that requires active usage of the brain scares me. combine that with a whole lot of chart repetition, which hardly appeals to my tragic attention span and TV knitter habits, and you've got yourself a nice little shit sandwich.

but i boldly took up the challenge anyway, and after mere six months of extreme procrastination and subsequent consuming guilt the scarf is finally done. and i'm ready for some serious compliments, people. lie if necessary.

tuomi by milja uimonen
size 28 x 200 cm
bc garn silkbloom extra fino (90g / 3.5mm)

i'm really happy with it too. really. i am. the yarn wasn't exactly an orgastic joyride to knit but works great in the finished piece. all shiny and excessive. i made 28 repeats of the chart and together with a rather violent blocking ended up with spot-on two meters of lacey drapeness.

but where the designer (and other normal balanced individuals) sees flowers, i see angry bees. for some completely non-freudian reasons, i'm sure.

i'm still not hugely and obsessively in love with lace for aforementioned reasons, but i do like the part where i get to say "finished" and get unconditional admiration from people who can't or won't knit themselves (and who thus don't know any better). and of course it's nice to be able to make something and then sell it for an outrageous price donate it benevolently to someone who appreciates it.

but the biggest mystery about this whole thing is how my friend knew what she's going to wear for the wedding 18 months in advance. because it won't be held until fall 2012. very, very not girly-like. in fact, i'm not sure she's a girl at all. i check myself regularly. maybe she should too.