February 17, 2012

friday is the cruelest day

bob: get a hold of yourself, woman.

liisa: whatever do you mean?

bob: i know it's friday and all, but sheesh.

liisa: i haven't done anything.

bob: really?

liisa: really.

bob: haven't done anything?

liisa: uh-huh.

bob: so what you're saying is you didn't set the alarm for the 9am wollmeise update, race through the stock list like a rabid dog and get three 100% superwash colorways, only one of which being a colorway you ever  intended on purchasing in the first place, and none of which you actually need or have any plans for?

liisa: well...yeah.

bob: and i suppose you didn't stalk the 4pm handu update either, right?

liisa: obviously.

bob: you do realize i can see everything? and by that i mean i know you're lying?

liisa: umm... uh..

bob: what a sad, lonely, obsessive little person you are.

liisa: well look here now--

bob: just because it's friday and the supply is there doesn't mean you need to go out and buy everything you can get hold of.

liisa: but i really really want to.

bob: well sure, because you're such a hysteric hoarder. and easily fooled by group mentality. but it's not like the world's gonna run out of yarn, you know.

liisa: i'm terribly afraid it does.

bob: look. you know anything about marketing tactics? stuff that's elusive, seemingly unique and in limited quantity creates hype around itself that makes it seem way past its original value. it first creates artificial needs by making exclusiveness a virtue and a point of social reference, and then forces people to grab whatever they can for whatever the price before it sells out. so in effect morons like you make hasty decisions based on false needs and still somehow come out thinking they've made a really good deal. i'm not saying that wollmeise shit ain't pretty goddamn awesome, but don't go foaming in the mouth at every update unless there's something there you really like. by all means buy it if it genuinely makes you happy. but keep in mind that buying stuff just because you can is stupid. and the colorways, they're all more or less repeatable. they're not forever lost once the update's through. it's all in your head. you don't need to buy that 21€ skein just because it's there.

liisa: but i like getting expensive yarn online because when it arrives i get to make myself pretty for the postman and then i can arrange the skeins in perfect little piles and sing to them and pet them and rub myself against them and then we can all have a little tea party where i'm queen fluffalot and the skeins are my royal court. and the postman's the chambermaid.

bob: you serious?

liisa: uh.. the thing is.. i, uh.. yeah.

bob: well i've seen all kinds of shit in my time, but goddamn.

liisa: i know i need to change but i'm not sure i want to.

bob: suit yourself, then, as a lazy tailor would say. i'm done watching this horseplay of yours. bob out.

liisa: don't leave me, bob.

bob: you've made your choice.

liisa: you can't do this to me.

bob: i already did. get over it.

liisa: well fuck you too, bob!

bob: ..what did you say?

liisa: oh god. no. wait. wait--

February 16, 2012


meet bedford. my sweet, fluffy, cozy, comfy, drapey loving substitute of a human relationship that has restored my faith in life and yarn.

bedford by michelle wang
size 34.5
cascade 220 (480g / 4.5mm)

he's like a great big cup of perfect black tea in the morning. a warm and all-encompassing hug in the form of hairy gray wool.

something that makes me want to just sit here with my feet up on the radiator and stare outside and let none of that mundane, earthly, wisecracking sillyness penetrate my calm and relaxed self.

how completely out of character.

February 14, 2012

goodbye, my love

i used to love you.

the way you looked, the way you felt.

i used to come up and softly pet you, caress your every curl, worship every fibre of your being. you completed me in ways i had never thought possible.

i could see a future with you. i could see myself growing old with you. wrapped inside your loving arms until the day i died. together, forever.

but then... something happened.

i began to hesitate. a dark voice inside my head said you weren't right for me. i had spent all my time with you, for weeks, for months, and suddenly all i could see in you were your flaws. you irritated me with everything you were and aspired to be. in a short time you had grown into someone i couldn't bring myself to love anymore.

whenever i saw you i could only think how much better off i would be with someone else, and how you deserved someone better than me.

for weeks i tried to push these thoughts down. i wished with all my might that things were different, that there was some way to go back and fix them. but it felt cruel to keep going when clearly we weren't going anywhere.

so, in a moment of teary-eyed, unfathomable sadness and endless mercy, i ripped you apart, drowned you and hung your lifeless body up to dry.

"i'm sorry", i whispered. "you just weren't right for me."

February 8, 2012

mr. freeze

it seemed like such a good idea. photographing the latest FO outside. after all, it was only -26C. surely a finn, accustomed from birth to living in the dark and wrestling polar bears while dousing herself with whale blubber, is perfectly capable of enduring such temperatures. surely?

gyllis by stephen west
size kinda perfect
sweet georgia tough love (100g / 3.5mm)

at first it was all good. the perfect branches were found, and the lighting was just right too. what a gorgeous setting for such a gorgeous piece of work, made from a pattern by the gorgeous stephen west, and with the yarn the equally gorgeous miss melissa benevolently donated me some weeks ago.

however, after approximately seven minutes the amount of physical pain inflicted by the freezing windchill despite the 14 layers of clothing surpassed the will to live get the perfect shots. it was now a death battle for getting any shots at all. gods were renounced, fingers were lost.

not pictured: please god let me die

at which point the artist said "fuck this" and went back inside.