to boldly go..

so what happens when someone with a negative attention span and zero ability to follow instructions tries to knit lace?

despite my 20 years of knitting experience i’ve intentionally kept myself away from projects which, without any exaggeration, can drive me to jump off a cliff while shoving a stake into my brain AND inflating my lifevest before the stewardess says it’s ok. let’s just call it pre-emptive self-defense.

then my friend asked me to make her a super fancy lace scarf for her sister’s wedding. and bought some super fancy (and super expensive) silk yarn that’s just too fancy to be destroyed in a frustrated moment’s rage, which will come at some point, believe me. so i need practice before the real thing. i don’t like practice. i don’t like asparagus either. but sometimes you just need to eat the effing asparagus because your stupid mother-in-law is sitting right there and saying no would cause your entire social universe to collapse.

so i hereby declare my intention to expand my affairs to uncharted lace territory. if i die before summer it’s because of lace.

and i want a viking funeral.

pictured: collateral damage